The Turtle Walks: memory

Showing posts with label memory. Show all posts

Monday, September 21, 2015

Gains and Losses

My apologies for not writing an entry for so long. This blog was my outlet during my recovery but the past few years I've been bad at keeping up with it. I thought I'd just give you guys an update.

First of all, I've graduated with my Masters in Biotechnology from Johns Hopkins! Those of you who follow me know what a long road it's been and what a huge accomplishment it was to walk across that stage. Thank you to everyone who helped get me there.

Plus look at that handsome mug!

After graduation, the next phase of my life was in limbo. No one wanted to hire someone with little full time lab experience for the positions I was interested in. I had been looking since before I graduated but I kept at it. The next few months I was on my computer or at the computer lab, job searching 6 days a week. I applied to companies all over the US in a variety of fields so I was unsure if I would be staying in Baltimore or moving cross country.

Limbo: not as fun as it sounds.

Eventually my resume was picked up by a 24-hour Lab Testing company in northern Virginia and I was hired for a position as Sample Technician. Essentially, I sort and prep samples so that they are correctly labeled and in the required size/shape/type that the lab needs. It's complicated work and I'm rubbing elbows with people from various labs and building work experience. The crew I'm working with is awesome and supportive. The company expects a lot from us but my coworkers help to make sure everyone gets through.

It's a living...

The weirdest part about the new job is my new hours (11pm-9am). Anyone who's known me knows I've always hated mornings but my new schedule ensures that I'm up for almost every dawn. On my days off I've taken long walks around the neighborhood, seeing things in a way I never had. Here are a few of the fun pictures I took in the Hampden area of Baltimore before I moved.

Everything is prettier at dawn, even the concrete jungle.

I've moved to the Fairfax area, in a wooded suburb south of the city. It's quiet and relatively secluded and the best part: my commute has changed from an hour and fifteen minutes to twenty minutes.

My cats seem to have settled in nicely.

Lastly, for anyone who doesn't know, my mom Anne Exner passed away last month from metastatic breast cancer. She had had breast cancer back in 2000 and beat it with chemo and radiation. A few years ago it returned and lodged in bones, and about two months ago it was discovered in her brain. My mom opted not to receive additional chemo, instead enjoying the time she had left with her husband, 4 children, and 2 grandchildren.

She was an amazing person, very talkative, friendly, always there with some kind words and some helpful advice (whether you wanted it or not). She was a nurse and worked long hours, though made sure she had time for everyone else. She was always there with a kind word and a healthy snack. She was a world traveler, an experienced mom, a hard worker, and improving the world with an infectiously upbeat quirky attitude.

She is one of the biggest reasons I am where I am today. When I was injured back in December of 2009, she quit her job and moved in with my Aunt and Uncle while I did inpatient rehab. She drove almost an hour down to Baltimore everyday for months. While I lay in a hospital bed my mom would massage my useless legs and yell "MOVE!!!" over and over while I strained to move even a toe. She had been at this almost a month when I got a toe wiggling. She ran and got a nurse and they were both jumping up and down as they watched my right big toe twitch a millimeter.

She was always my biggest advocate. She was always helping me with insurance forms, medication lists, doctors appointments, scheduling my continuing rehab... she was always chatty and cheerful so even if someone didn't recognize me they knew me as Anne's son. She helped arrange the paperwork so that I could finish my Bachelors in Biology from Colorado State by finishing my classwork at Elizabeth City State University, the school in our hometown in North Carolina. There, she and my dad were able to provide me with the support and love I needed as I healed mentally and physically. She continued to push me, getting me to explore nature. My favorite quote from her, "Nature... it's everywhere!" was her response to any animals or cool plants we saw as I learned to walk again.

Even as I learned to walk without any canes and moved off to grad school, she was still there for me. She would call to remind me of my appointments and check how I was doing in my classes. She was always willing to listen to my woes and always had the best stories to cheer me up. She is the reason I have the job I do now, helping me to go through the paperwork and making sure I had all the required documents and was prepped for my interview.

When it was discovered that she only had a few weeks left, the whole family gathered together for a weekend that was both fun and very sad. Near the end, even when the cancer made it difficult to form sentences, she'd still say the first few words of movies quoted by the family (Emperor's New Groove or Young Frankenstein). Even in her final weeks she was still trying to get those around her to smile.

She's gone now and the world is a little less bright without her. Still, the world is a better place for her having been here. Every single person at the funeral had stories of her having been a great positive influence in their lives. With lots of family and friends, she was laid to rest outside Bel Air, MD.

There have been some significant gains and deep losses but for now, things are okay. I'm in a better place and I am looking forward to an exciting new career. I always end my posts with a song so this post I'll end with one of my mom's favorite song by The Beatles.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Some things change

Some things change but some things stay the same. One thing that will always stay the same is that children will ask the questions that people have been conditioned not to ask.

I'm free of the wheelchair but I still have my leg brace. People don't notice the leg brace itself (though I still limp and am slow) when I wear pants and I'm a jeans kind of person. On a lazy Saturday with perfect weather, I wore a pair of basketball shorts. This allowed the leg brace to be visible.

I was walking to my car when I passed a dad and his 7 year old son playing soccer on the lawn of my apartment complex. The son took a look at me and asked "Why are you wearing a shin guard?" The father looked thoroughly annoyed at his son but I just laughed. I told the son I'd been in an accident and now I needed a leg brace for my ankle. The son seemed satisfied though the father still looked annoyed at his son.

The eyeroll is strong in this one.

Some things change and some things stay the same.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

My Story As Of Today: From Wheelchair To Walking

I was 20 at the time of my accident. I've moved around a bit in my lifetime. My dad worked in the army and then the Public Health Service. We moved everywhere from West Virginia, Germany, Wisconsin, to Seattle. Not strongly connected to one place very closely, I was going to college at Colorado State while my parents lived in North Carolina. Minus a few crazy events here and there I had a pretty boring childhood and early adulthood. I had never even had a broken bone.

Me pretending I know what I'm doing on a longboard.

After spending Christmas with friends, I flew out to spend New Years with my family. We were up in Maryland where much of my extended family lives.

THE ACCIDENT - December 29^th, 2009.

The plan was to spend a few days in the Baltimore area then drive home to North Carolina the day of the 29^th. I've always hated long car rides, so I always tried to sleep through them. I figured I'd be sleeping the entire ride to North Carolina, so I spent the entire night before my accident playing video games on my little cousin's XBOX (Lego Indiana Jones). I was asleep practically before we left my Aunt and Uncle's driveway. I did wake-up momentarily to hug my older sister as we dropped her off at the airport but otherwise I was down for the count.

How I spent the last night before the accident. I finished the entire game about 30 minutes before everyone woke up.

I slept in the back seat up against the door with my seat-belt on. From what I'm told, my Dad was driving on the freeway when he saw the car ahead of him stop suddenly. My dad slammed on the breaks and our car started spinning wildly out of control. Our car slammed into the bumper of a neighboring truck.

My Mom was in the front seat and had been knocked unconscious. My dad, awake and unharmed, told me later that I was screaming my head off; I have no memory of this. They shipped my off to Shock Trauma Center at the University of Maryland. I had two of my vertebrae (L1 and L2) completely shattered, broke both arms, and had lots of other internal damage. They put two stabilizing rods on either side of my spine but the surgeons felt it was better not do any surgery that could damage potentially intact nerves. The bones in my arms were set and a metal rod was placed in each.

I broke L1 and L2(top of Lumbar curve) but my injury level is considered T10(bottom of Thoracic curve) since that was the initial line of what I could move.

I woke up not able to move anything below the level of my belly button. The next few days were a morphine haze interrupted by a swirl of visiting family. I was sort of emotionally numb, staying upbeat the entire time. I just kept repeating that I wasn't going to be stuck using a wheelchair. They moved me out of there and into a rehab hospital. I starting to learn about the realities of my new life and what it would be like to move and live in a wheelchair.

I eventually went through all 5 stages of grief and loss over my legs. I felt that the part of my life where I walked had died.

It was about 6 days after the accident when I finally broke down. I wasn't able to wheel myself around with both arms in slings, I couldn't move very well, couldn't even control when I shit, and didn't know what I would do. It all hit like a ton of bricks.

NURSING HOME (rebreaking my right arm)

About a week into my new rehab I rolled on my right arm in therapy and rebroke it. My surgeons, extremely irritated with me, said that I wasn't allowed to continue therapy there for at least a month and advised me to go to a nursing home.

In the nursing home after I rebroke my arm.

Though some of my darkest moments were in that nursing home, this was the place that I regained movement in my legs. After a month not moving anything I wiggled my right big toe. The next day I wiggled my left big toe. Progress slowed for awhile but over the next few weeks I regained good chunks of my right leg back.

KENNEDY KRIEGER

During my stay at the nursing home we heard about the spine program at Kennedy Krieger Institute. An offshoot of Johns Hopkins, the hospital had a reputation for significantly improving function after spinal cord injuries. A few people warned me, including my physical therapist at the nursing home, that they felt Kennedy Krieger made too many promises. I was hesitant but after the dismal conditions at the rehab hospital and the nursing home I felt that anything was worth a shot.

The staff of KKI helped put my mind at ease and helped push me forward. Shown here trying out e-stim on my leg.

It turned out to be better than I could have ever hoped. Primarily a kids hospital, the spine program's inpatient wing will take you if you are under 21. Full of energy and excitement, the feelings were infectious. They advocate activity based rehab. This is the idea that muscles needs to be used and exercised, in the hope to promote new nerve growth. They make no promises but the research shows that if the spinal cord isn't cut completely the working of muscles will help to promote the growth of nerves. This is accomplished through electrical stimulus, in the form of portable electrical stim-units and electrical stim-bikes. They use these alongside more traditional mobility, balance, and care training.

Showing off my wheelchair biceps and my scars.

MORE BACK SURGERIES

Repeat imaging near the end of my inpatient stay showed that the broken pieces of spinal column were pressing on the cord. I had gotten significant function back in my right leg by this time but the left leg was still mostly inert. Even electrical stimulus couldn't get the muscles in the left leg to move; the hope is that another round of surgeries could improve my overall function.

They cut into my back and removed the broken pieces of spinal column. They then put in a metal cage and put the pieces of bone back in. The alive bone cells would regrow into the shape of vertebrae, this time without pinching my spinal cord.

It is safe to say I've seen more hospital beds than I care to mention. Here I am reading a stack of get-well cards

I stayed in Baltimore with my Aunt and Uncle until the end of the summer, doing outpatient rehab at Kennedy Krieger. While the effect wasn't immediate, over the next few weeks I began to get significant function back. I had my right leg completely back by the end of the summer and few more trace muscles in the left leg. I now had enough function back to walk around with a leg brace for short distances, with the help of a walker or crutches.

Out stretching my legs.

COLORADO

It was my goal to return back to Colorado State again. I was still using the wheelchair but I felt confident enough to move out there on my own. I happened to have an older brother who was taking graduate classes at CSU at the time who was willing to share an apartment. I was excited and pumped to start things off again.

Though things started off strong, I eventually started having various health problems. I'm not naturally self motivating so when I felt down I would just lay in bed which only made things worse. Eventually I was in so much pain I stopped going to class altogether. By halfway through the semester I hit my lowest point ever. My mother came for a visit and saw the condition I was in. She asked if I wanted to move back home with them and I said yes.

NORTH CAROLINA

Having someone to kick me out of bed was exactly what I needed and my parents obliged. They started by getting me to wheel around and to do more and more walking. Though this was still difficult I got better. I slowly began to work up stamina and endurance. I had a 3 times a week PT program and worked out/swam at the YMCA. I transferred to Elizabeth City State University, our city's university. Though no Colorado State University they were close and offered a biology degree program. I'm still in North Carolina today, working on finishing up my degree. I'm set to graduate spring 2013.

My physical function continues to improve. I go periodically to Kennedy Krieger for additional rehab. These 2 week bouts, nicknamed “Boot Camp”, yield the most exciting results. In January 2011 I trialed using two canes instead of walking with crutches. In June 2011 I trialed using an AFO (Ankle Foot Orthosis, up to just below the knee) instead of the KAFO (Knee Ankle Foot Orthosis, up to the hip) I had used up to that point. I started out the fall semester of school vowing that I would not bring the wheelchair from the house; every time I left the house I would have to take my leg brace. I was still using my KAFO when I walked anywhere and used the AFO only in therapy. The KAFO was a heavy mess of wires and levers. October 2011, one of the wires on my KAFO snapped during a long holiday weekend. Since I had sworn to not take the wheelchair from the house I used my AFO the rest of the weekend; I never went back.

Trialing out two canes instead of crutches.

I finally ditched the wheelchair completely this past January, two years after my accident. I was using the AFO and canes well enough that I felt it was time. It was hard to get used to at first but I managed eventually. My wheelchair now serves only as a bed for my cats.

My most recent accomplishment is to have regained enough strength and balance to switch to walking using only one cane. Not quite as dramatic a shift as some of my others, it still wasn't easy to adjust to losing a walking aid. I continue to work toward my eventual goal of walking without any leg braces or canes. I'm not there yet but these past two and a half years have shown me it's more than possible.

With one cane and my AFO.

I'm not the boy I was. Who can say what I'll do with my life now since I almost lost mine. The focus of my journey has changed quite a bit, from learning how to use my wheelchair to walking again. I'm walking full time now but it wasn't quick or easy.

I fully acknowledge I was lucky my injury wasn't as severe as it could have been and that I had a lot of help along the way. I can't speak for everyone with a spinal cord injury, since each experience is different. I do know that the most important thing is to be up and aiming toward something. Whether this is finishing the next level of school, getting back function, or simply being fit enough to try something new. At one point I would have stayed in bed and given up. And if I had stayed there I would never have gotten out of my chair. So who knows where you might end up.

One suggestion was to get shoes with more ankle support. I'm pretty sure they were talking about hiking boots but since I have a sense of style I got a pair of Chuck Taylors, the old school high top Converse. Though I wasn't expecting these to make any difference, I found myself walking better and better.

Oh my god, shoes!

I began walking so well that I decided to leave the cane at home. That first day was kinda rough but after that I just kept going. It's now been 2 weeks since I used my cane at all!

No I didn't break my canes. They're in the corner collecting dust!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

3-year Anniversary of My Accident

I haven't written anything on this blog in a while but the anniversary of my car accident is a date I couldn't ignore.

If you happen to be reading this blog for the first time, read this post first, explaining my story.
(If anyone wants to see how things have changed you can check out my First Post After The Accident, Year 1, and Year 2)

This year has been one of continuing progress. I've had 2 different leg braces, ending the year using the Allard Toe-OFF AFO, an ankle brace that makes use of carbon fiber to make it durable and light. This is my smallest and lightest brace yet, compensating for the lack of ankle movement in my left leg.

Some of my old braces took about 5 minutes or more to get on. This takes about a minute.

I've still had my share of medical issues. I've had multiple surgeries for an ongoing infection that's gotten all the way down to the metal in my back. Once metal hardware is infected (especially necessary hardware that you can't remove) it's very hard to get rid of. Precautions have been taken and every measure is being taken to try and eradicate the bug in my back.

Read my 5 Insights From the ER

I finished another semester, leaving me only one more until I graduate with my bachelor's degree in biology. I'm already applying to graduate schools for next fall, where I'll study bioinformatics (a combination biology and computer programming).

I've been continuing to explore my new found passion for painting. This year I painted my Christmas gifts for people, coming up with a few really great ones. Some are better than others but I had fun painting each and every one of them.

Wookie The Chew

The tabernacle of a church, painted for my mother.

The Four Seasons, for Q. Try looking at it upside-down.

The final painting turned out really well, though this picture didn't do it justice.

The original.

The Nightmare Before Christmas, for Kayla.

Batman Celtic Knot, for Philip.

The Sun Over Lake Michigan, for my aunt.

Minas Tirith from Lord of the Rings, for my dad.

My friend Cat asked for a picture of me and I painted her this.

There are still a couple of others in the mail that I won't post. Needless to say I've been spending countless hours working on these. The best part is that from all my brainstorming sessions of what to paint for people, I have a giant stack of painting ideas and sketches that I can still use.

Lastly I want to thank everyone who's helped me along this past year. I've worked hard but no one gets anywhere without some from help of those around them (family or friends). I first want to thank my Mom and Dad, who've been there to kick my butt over the years when I'd already given up. Dad, thank you for being there for advice, counsel, and a fresh pair of eyes. Mom, you've been there since since the beginning and have carried me kicking and screaming down the road to recovery; I love you both more than words can convey. To my siblings, thanks for being there to dish out the family gossip, to commiserate, to give me a patient ear when I've needed it, and helping to keep my life in perspective. Thanks Philip, a true friend through anything. Thanks Kelley, my amazing faghag, who helped keep me sane no matter what was going on in my life. Thanks Tony, for reminding me to relax and enjoy life and not to take things so seriously. Thanks Kayla and Eli, the cutest family I know, for reminding me what's important in life. Thanks all the staff of Coastal Rehab (though especially Mindy and Lynn) for tireless working to keep me improving. Thanks to all the staff up at the Kennedy Kreiger Institute and The International Center for Spinal Cord Injury (Kristin, Meredith, Brooke, Stephanie, Marjorie, and so many more) who've been the driving force in my rehab since I was first injured. Thanks to all the doctors (there's dozens), nurses (hundreds), and other staff who've helped me with my ever climbing number of medical visits. Thank you to the orthotists who've worked tirelessly to make sure I have a working leg brace, without which I wouldn't be walking at all. Thank you to all the people who've read my blog, followed me on facebook, tumblr, etc; though this may be just a way to pass time for you, the support I've received from all of you has kept me going for all these years.

I'm currently up in Baltimore for Boot Camp again, so expect updates to follow in the next few days.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Phantom Equipment Syndrome

For update on my health, skip to the bottom of the page.

In a past post, I talked about what's been nicknamed Phantom Wheel Syndrome. I was in a wheelchair for 2 years after my accident. I started decreasing the amount I used it but I didn't give it up entirely until this January. I had to transition from the wheelchair to canes, and I found myself constantly reaching for my wheels out of instinct... only to find them not there anymore.

Your brain makes a mental picture of your body, sometimes including certain pieces of equipment, like my wheelchair... until the wheelchair wasn't there anymore! My brain still had a mental wheelchair which it instinctively relied on. Think on that!

I'm now having Phantom Equipment Syndrome. I was equipped with a V.A.C. Pump that I had to carry around in a bag, which was about the size of an Ipad. I'd remove the strap if I was sitting or if I was in a car to relax my much abused back muscles. My first move whenever I sat up was to put the strap back over my shoulder and go. Thankfully, the wound on my back has healed enough so that the pump is no longer necessary. Yesterday when I got off the couch to go outside the first thing I did was reach for my bag... only to find it not there anymore.

The V.A.C. pump that's been traveling with me since May. Until one day... it wasn't. My brain still had a mental V.A.C. pump. Think on THAT!

While not a limb, my equipment is a constant part of my life in one form or anther. It's part of who I am and for few months that bag around my shoulder was part of me. I won't miss it (I named him Cato from The Hunger Games, take what you want from that) but I will remember it. I can't say too much against it, because there's always a possibility that I could end up using it in the future. Hopefully not any time soon but I thought I'd escaped the vacuum pump before. Only time will tell.

Update:

My previous post on the possibility of surgery turned out to be unnecessary. The only option at the time was to put a drain into the large fluid engorged tissue above my spinal hardware; we didn't end up doing this. They attempted to use an ultrasound machine on the mound on my back to see if they could find any fluid collections they could drain. They found one, but with barely any pressure the collection fled into the tissue. Unless a major fluid mass forms instead of the current fluid filled tissues, the doctors won't touch it.

There's a great chance that all the fluid will be absorbed by the body eventually. Until then I will have a weird looking hump on my back. To accent this particular feature, below it is where the Wound V.A.C. sucked out all the excess fluid; that skin is now sunken in, leaving my whole back marked with interesting geography.

"You know I'm a rather brilliant surgeon... perhaps I can help you with that hump." "What hump?"

I'm otherwise healing up nicely, though I won't be declaring “Mission Accomplished” again any time soon. I hope I heal up enough to go in a a pool or swim in the bathtub warm waters of the inlet sound that surrounds our house out here in the middle of nowhere. Who knows, these hopes and wishes might even come true.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

An Abscess or Why I Hate MRIs

So many of you have heard (likely through my sister's facebook) that I'm in the hospital again. This is true. Unsure of all the details I wanted to wait until I had more information but there are too many people clamoring for info so here goes.

What I do know is that a little over 2 weeks ago a stranger bubble started rising out of the skin on my back, right along the surgical scar from my surgery in December. My scars had all closed weeks ago so I figured I was in the clear but apparently not. Unsure of exactly what we were dealing with we went to see the doctor. He thought it might be an infection so he stuck in a needle to see if he could aspirate (attempt to draw fluid/pus from the bubble). He couldn't get anything out so he said to keep an eye on it and see him again if anything changed.

And the bubble continued to grow. It started the size of a quarter and continued to grow along the surgical scar. We went to the ER over the weekend when it was clear it was growing with increasing speed. They tried to aspirate it again but this failed.

While we were in Baltimore for a family wedding it became clear that it was growing down and outward and soon would burst if we did nothing. We went into an urgent care center where they tried to aspirate it for a third time, this time hitting pay dirt. Multiple syringes full of pus were drained until she finally called it quits, barely changing the abscess at all. She made it clear that someone needed to clean the whole mess out and she didn't feel comfortable doing it herself.

We waited until I got back to North Carolina so that I could see my family practice doctor, who we thought should be able to clean it out in the office. She sent us to a surgeon, who sent me in for multiple tests before before telling me that the abscess was too close to the hardware in my back for his comfort level. He contacted my neurosurgeon who instructed me to return back to Baltimore and he or one of his residents would take care of things.

And back to Baltimore again.

So after driving up to Baltimore again we waited in the ER. The doctor there did an ultrasound of the abscess and found something that worried both him and I: there appeared to be a small channel traveling down to the spine. Because ultrasounds are not very precise I was put on a list for an MRI and admitted to the hospital.

Now an MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) is a big machine that uses a giant spinning magnetic and a computer to create a detailed image of a person's body, layer by layer. I wasn't even sure if I could get an MRI because of all the metal hardware I have in me. I was assured that indeed I could and that I would get my chance the following day.

After 15 hours of fasting I finally was pushed down to the MRI room. The walls looked bowed out in places and bent in at others. I guess this is probably do to the natural shifting of the building but it gave me the image of a giant machine version of magneto. Finally we arrived and I realized I had had an MRI before. I also remembered why exactly I hate MRI's with a burning passion.

The last time I had an MRI was when I first got moved to Kennedy Krieger. The MRI is longer than a human body and just as tall. When they slip you into the small hole into the center it is somewhat unnerving. What made it worse was that the first time they put my neck in a plastic cage to make sure I didn't move my head, since they were examining my spine from top to bottom. Add to this the pounding noise and I was downright terrified. I've never been claustrophobic but the feeling of being locked in a giant can of Pringles that's being kicked around at high speed is enough to make anyone afraid of small spaces.

Thankfully this time the area they were scanning was low enough so that I didn't have my head locked in, giving me the option to listen to Pandora.com on their headphones. I chose Green Day and happily jammed out in my head to the beats of Green Day, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and The Offspring. The experience still wasn't fun but it gave me a little relief from the thoughts of giant magnets spinning at high speed inches from my head.

Since no one informed me of the results I don't know if they found anything. I still have lots of tests ahead of me, with the possibility of a week or more stay, and the guarantee of lots of antibiotics. I'll keep you all updated on if they find anything and how any potential surgeries go. But for now all we can do is wait.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Spring is here! That means biking again!

It's starting to warm up here in North Carolina. We regularly get temperatures of 50 degrees, though generally it's much colder in the mornings and evenings. The flowers, sensing the change in season, are beginning to bud and flower. The trees have yet to notice it seems but they will be soon to follow.

This is the perfect weather for biking, which I love to do at least once a week. My sister, the musically talented Helen Exner, performed at benefit concerts to raise money for any adaptive equipment I might need. That money went toward a new handbike, the best form of adaptive biking for someone in my situation.

It has a hand crank that acts as both handlebars and brakes. I'm able to get the exercise I need and the speed I crave all in one. I found out about this through Steve Ackerman, a paraplegic who not only races handbikes but sells them out of his home in Fort Collins, CO. Though he may not be near you, chances are he can ship one to you. You can contact Steve Ackerman at steve@freedomryder.com.

My bike looks like this only painted red instead of green.

Having this cycle has opened up a whole new world to me, one I had almost forgotten existed. For most of college I didn't have a car, getting around by bike instead. I spent countless hours crossing the city to and fro. After my injury I was put on a stim-bike, a machine that combines motor powered movement with electrical stimulation. There has been research suggesting that this type of "Activity Based Rehab" increases function return in some patients. When I was put on the bike I turned on my ipod and daydreamed about biking across town on my way to class, work, or volunteering.

The stim-bike looked very similar to this machine here, though without the arm portion.

Those images haunted me for a long time, with their simplicity, beauty, and the fact that they were beyond my reach for good (or so I thought). When I was finally able to travel the road on my handbike all of that changed; I was fast, I was invincible, I was the MAN! I reconnected with a part of myself that I thought was gone forever.

Though the initial enthusiasm has worn off, I still get excited when it's warm enough to bike. I can bike the trails near my house, seeing parts of the woods previously unexplored. I can get my nature freak on! Whatever it is that you most like to do, chances are it can be adapted for people with various disabilities. Take charge of your life and do what makes you happy!