On The Precipice

I'm on the edge of another choice, one that is not up to me. After a week of doctor's appointments I'm left with the prospect of a few-minute procedure or hours of surgery. All this is in respect to the bubble that's been steadily forming on my back over the past few weeks. I've been patiently awaiting the verdict on whether I'll have another major surgery.

To be fair, I have total faith in my surgeons. I just hope this isn't what they ask once I'm under.

The doctor I saw today was from plastics (plastic surgery). He recommended a drain, guided in to the correct spot with the help of an ultrasound machine. This would be a quick procedure and allow me to leave the very same day. On the other hand if the pockets of fluid that have been collecting in my back are dangerously close to anything vital, they will have to cut me open and clean out the area by hand. This would be far more invasive and keep me in pain for a much longer period.The decision over which route to choose is up to my neurosurgeon, who I see tomorrow.

I thought having concrete answers over what my options were give me some piece of mind or clarity. I admit I'm freaking out less than I was and I'm slightly less frustrated. But that doesn't mean I like it. I feel like in a constant game of Marco-Polo with my doctors, always in search of the final solution. They shout their hints to give me a general direction but they don't tell me exactly where I'm going. It's frustrating, like I'm flying blind.

But brooding over it won't change my fate. While it's true that I have the final say on any procedures done but I trust his decisions, since he's the one who rebuilt my spine from the ground up (not an exaggeration). So I value his word, his insight, and his wisdom. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't value an answer a little sooner! And if he chooses to abstain and not really give an opinion either way, I'll be getting the drain in tomorrow! Wish me luck.