A Reminder Of How Far I've Come

This weekend I went to my cousin's wedding. I had a blast, dressing up in my best duds. I managed to pull of a dashing purple shirt and tie, the cane I walk with now only added to the look. I mentioned to one of my little cousins that having a cane makes you look classy and he asked “But WHY does having a cane make you look classy?” It just does.

I got numerous compliments throughout the weekend. On my way to the back of the church I got high fives from different excited family members, some of whom I hadn't seen since I was using the wheelchair full time.

It's harder than you might think to work in jazz hands into a wedding...

It was humbling to see so many congratulating me on my accomplishments. These were the people who let me live in their homes when I was newly injured. These were the people who saw me hours after I had been in my car accident, broken and paralyzed. These were the people who had watched as I went out to college in my wheelchair, only to return home after I realized how physically taxing it would be. These were the people who supported me as I went from wheelchair to full leg brace to ankle brace. These were the people who have urged their friends to pray for me. These were the people who have created a network of people across multiple continents, including hundreds of people, all sending me goodwill and best wishes. I am so lucky to have the support system that I do. If I didn't have all of them behind me I wouldn't have made it this far and that is a fact. This is a journey that can be done alone but is better done with the support of family and sprawling network of well wishers.

I'm continuing on, using the strength that so many people have lent me over the years. One of my aunts said that I exuded a kind of strength and a positive attitude; I don't know if that's true but I guess it must be. What I do know is I have seen myself go from paralyzed at the waist to walking, something that isn't going to be the case of everyone with an injury like mine. I do guarantee that no matter what type of injury you have you are capable of more than you think. A quadriplegic can write a novel with a computer, those without hands can paint with their feet, those without legs can run marathons on prostheses. You may not be able to do everything that you could before but find something that is on the edge of your abilities and do it. Once you accomplish your goal find your limits again and push them. You will surprise yourself and amaze everyone around you.

As for me, I'm happy hitting the dance floor at a family wedding. I may look odd but then so does everyone else. After all, a guy with a cane isn't the weirdest dance you will see at a wedding; not by a long shot.

Turtle Speed in Trafic

Last Post: Balance Test and Clubbing

The last post time I talked about going out into a club and having a blast. This time, not so much. I got separated from my friends for a few minutes in a crowd. I have a bit of difficulty walking in in straight lines, due to the lack of some key stabilizing muscles of my trunk and leg. So I ended up knocking into a few people, who all apologized to me before I had time to even start one of my own.

What the world looks like ALL the time.

I did find my friends in short order but this is just another example of how turtle speed has impacted my life. "Turtle Speed" is the name my friends have given to my sluggish pace; it comes in two varieties, the limp and hyper speed. My pace has increased since I've started walking, with the limp about as fast as my old top speed and hyper speed akin to the speed walk. My speed continues to improve with time, so I have high hopes.

In the mean time I will spend countless hours catching up, flagging down friends who got ahead of me, and undoubtedly getting lost. It's a good thing I'm not in a rush...

Balance Test and Clubbing

For anyone who read my previous post, Anatomy of the Awkward Crippled White Man's Dance, I made it clear that though I may look funny, I still love to dance. I got a chance to practice these ''skills'', at the birthday celebration of an amazing friend of mine. We went to a dance club in Norfolk, got on the dance floor to the techno-remix of every pop-icon of the last 40 years, and danced till we dropped. It was a blast! I took one cane on to the dance floor and showed that my hips and body may not be as nimble as I used to be, but I can still move to the beat.

I got a good workout, moving my body in ways it hasn't moved in years. This is proof of what everyone has told me again and again, that my improvement is become more clear and obvious every day.

I've even had official tests to prove the point. One test that has now been performed three separate times, twice after surgery and once this past week, is the Berg's Balance Test. This test involves performing various tasks (standing, sitting, picking things off the floor) that require various amounts of balance. The first time I took the test I scored in the low 30's (out of 56), not bad considering I was fresh out of surgery. I then went through a week of intense physical therapy after surgery and at the end of the week I performed the balance test again; I gained a few points, putting me in the high 30's (out of 56).

Almost two months after surgery, my physical therapists decided to perform the Berg's Balance test again to see how far I had progressed. I scored in the high 40's, gaining 10 points and improving in almost every category. Now that I'm allowed to bend, twist, and lift over 10 lbs I've been able to push myself once again. I'm getting stronger, my balance is better, and everything is looking up.

I'm enjoying this period of optimism and excitement. Every one who has seen me on a regular basis has remarked how my walking, standing, balancing, posture, etc., was looking better. I've been raised to be humble and not let success go to my head; so I'll keep plugging along. My prediction for this time next year I'll be walking onto the dance floor instead of awkwardly limping on. I can't promise you'll really want watch, since it's still likely to be pretty strange looking. So here's a message to all those watching silently from the sides: If this weirdo got onto the dance floor, why are YOU waiting on the sidelines?

Anatomy of the Awkward Crippled White Man's Dance

Those of you who have known me since before the accident know I've never been a particularly good dancer (no coordination and two left feet never helped me out). I had limited skills; I could freak dance with the best of them, I even learned to swing dance, thanks to some of my closest high school friends. Losing mobility in the lower half of my body threw what few moves I had out the window. For those unaware, I was paralyzed from a car accident, T-10 (thoracic vertebrae) down, not able to move either of my legs. A month after the accident I got a toe moving and from there I've gotten both legs moving.

Me relearning how to walk

The problem with movement is that not all of it is equal. For those unaware, movement comes in two forms: gross movement and fine movement. Gross movement is the ability to kick out or jerk a limb. Fine movement is the ability to make small controlled movements. Fine motor skills take the combination of larger muscles and smaller stabilizing muscles. Obviously these take much longer to build and even longer to use properly.

Back when I was still having trouble standing and walking.

My right leg from the very beginning has been recovering faster, with most gross and fine motor skills returning. Though it has taken over two years, my right leg is almost back to where it was pre-accident. The left leg is always the late one to the party. It has made some great strides in gross movement, allowing me to walk around. The fine movements are still lagging though. I can move it mostly where I want to, but it's always slow and is difficult to control.

And there is more involved in the process than just legs. My abs and obliques, the muscles used to control your hips and waist, have had two years without doing a whole lot. I've slowly started to build these up but my time in my wheelchair did me no favors. All the small stabilizing muscles people take for granted are no longer there. I now have something to work toward.

 cliffnotes for trunk muscles

Now that I've finally ditched the wheelchair for good I can get back to pulling off my awkward mistimed moves. In the mean time everyone is just going to have to live with my jerky, weird looking, and probably embarrassing dancing and everyone can just shut the hell up! So dance like there's nobody's watching!

 Peter, before the accident, getting his "groove" on. He don't care what you think.

If you don't get this, go to youtube.com and look up Honey Badger.