I was told by a friend that their son, a returning veteran, was contemplating suicide in large to PTSD. I felt I needed to say something here. Now some of you know that I have lived through some dark times myself. Everyone's experience is different but it is important to understand that there is always something to be learned from other's experiences. (Be aware this entry deals with the intricate details of suicide; this isn't for everyone so be aware of extreme content)
Now after the accident I was left with no motion in my legs and two broken arms. My thoughts played with the idea of suicide so that I didn't have to keep going in a broken body. I was most upset by the idea that in my limited state I didn't even know how I could've committed suicide. When I was put in a nursing home after rebreaking my arm, I became seriously depressed, aggravated by the snow storm that kept me inside and all visitors miles away. I looked out at the snow and thought dark thoughts. I now hate snow because gray snow filled sky bring me back to those days.
But it got better. Slowly, painfully, inch by inch things got better. My condition improved, I was finally able to do more. I was able to feed myself, no longer had to wear the humiliating diaper. My friends and family got me through that time, reminding me that things were improving. It was sometimes hard to keep in perspective the gains I was making, am still making.
The thing that finally tipped me over the edge of despair into recovery was when a friend told me "I love you Peter. The world wouldn't be the same without you!" It is one thing to know consciously that there are people caring and worrying about you but it is another to take it to heart.
Now things have improved so that the person I was during those days is unrecognizable. I remind myself constantly how lucky I am that I have friends and family who care; they carried me through even when I was willing to give up. I can't ever give up now because I know there are people struggling right beside me.
So anyone who is thinking about suicide for any reason I want you to know this: YOU ARE LOVED! Before you ever take any action know that there is a community of people of who you effect in ways you can't imagine. I am lucky in the fact that I have people telling me this on a regular basis. I am more visible than others so I attract these comments. If you have never had anyone tell you this I want you to take it to heart: YOU ARE LOVED! The people around you would be worse off without you and would be hurt if they ever lost you! Whether you are suffering from an injury, battling with depression, have seen the horrors of war, or are suffering with your sexual or personal identity, know that you matter and are important.
If anyone is reading this and is contemplating suicide, know that you always have my support. If you need someone to talk to you can always email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I have been there and am always ready to be an open ear for those who need it. The loss of life isn't worth the price to be paid.